Hot Mess: An Expose

Y.K. Kim, who earned his black belt in Korea at the tender age of 13, looked out and saw a void that the world didn’t even know it had. Like the mouth of his unresisting costar, he would fill it with his fist.


No actor in this movie would get called back for an audition in a high school play.

Miami Connection screams its battle cry as it rips through the seven circles of everything you can do wrong in making a movie, only to come out on the other side as the best film anybody in a certain Beech Street alley had ever seen.

This week’s fare was planned as well as Kim’s directorial debut.





We’re making private spaces public, so the feasters can make the meal their own.



Pro tip for embarking on roasted duck and pickled vegetable spring rolls: don’t depend on preparation instructions from the Vietnamese packaging or you’ll end up with unusable gloop instead of these.


Heartwarming quotes from the kitchen: “Wow those look like chodes…” “And the wrappers feel like cheap condoms.”

Mápó tòfu, a piquant Sichuan specialty that literally translates into “Tofu of the Crone with a Pock-Marked Face.” Flawlessly executed.


But really, can you go wrong with pork and two kinds of wine?

Speaking of flawless execution…An equal opportunity synth band of 35-year-old mulleted, taekwando black-belted co-eds punch all the biker-ninja-drug dealers out of the shallow streams of Central Florida. It was the 80s. To aid you in understanding, break out some 9 dollar mascato and take a swing every time Dragon Sound’s number one hit “Against the Ninja” comes on during a scene.


Your liver will despise you.

Come heat stroke or health inspector, we will be here for you. Belly is still a little jiggly, but we’re toning up so we can drape ourselves in towels and receive mail from our long lost fathers.


Every screenshot is a gem.

. .


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